January Cries its Pain – Nicotine.

I dialled

I listened

She is there  (She)

I am here

She said

I listened

1 year, it cried.

She is not the same

Not a bit

I know, what it is

Nicotine.

She is there

I am here,

I know what it is

I know it it

Nicotine,

She has been

And I

I being me

cannot,

I tried

but she won’t listen,

I know

what it is,

Last January,

I cried, on the phone,

the words I said, were the same as hers,

But she didn’t,

Did I,

But I couldn’t have,

Love it is,

Not here, but in her heart,

Am I to blame,

I wrote a poem on that day,

I asked my friend if she would-the other

Commit suicide,

this was- a reason

why I never contacted,

she lies to me,

to ease my pain,

not knowing it kills me too

to hear her saying it.

We know what it is,

she has been

with her new best friends,

and i do not know

what it is

who they are

what it will bring her to

All I know is I

I being me,

I am not a good girlfriend.

Love, it is not in my heart

She loves me

with a full heart,

Her dreams, and her drinks

Her truth and her reality

Her life- as well as her death,

It had to be me,

Cause she loved me,

And I know what it is,

It is the same, Nicotine.

No-on will,

And I am going to,

I like her- but can’t take the pain,

She needs a boyfriend instead,

I too have wondered for long,

And I know one day,

I’ll hear the news,

which is as sad as saying

I don’t know if being a boyfriend

is as good as being a girlfriend,

She said, they’ll ask you,

“If I would like to spend night with her”

And even if I tried,

I cannot get her back as she was,

She was a rebel, she is a drunk lover today,

And who is to blame, is a girl who’s name is mine.

She loves me,

and my mistake was my rightness

I wanted her to be safe,

Being safe doesn’t mean, Nicotine.

She is there

and I’m here,

She longs for my touch,

She longs for my love,

She loves the way I look (SHE)

She loves the way I am,

It was 2 winters before that she told me

She gave her heart to me,

And I like a non-keeper,

meant her safety than her ruin

And all that happened

was another failed love-story.

I do not care what the society says,

nor am I against any love,

it is just I am still not a keeper,

I am a giver,

I do not know how to keep

a love- love alive.

Love is what it is,

As delicate it is,

And I contacted her,

Wanting for the last 2 months,

And on the phone,

She casually asked,

And I knew what it was,

It had to be- Nicotine.

I am to blame for my rightness

She is to blame for her love

I am to blame for my right attitude

She is to blame for her company

I am to blame for my good intentions

She is to blame for her hearts.

We are to be blamed for our her birth,

it had to be the same-nicotine

And know i not more

know i not true

She is the best,

when it comes to making me look silly,

I asked her if it was funny?

She said,

She had to make it look like that.

She asks me “why I’m silent”

and I say, because I’m scared

And there are reasons- not that I know

But I am scared for her tough over mine,

I am scared if her love is taken over by her rebellious nature,

Will i then become,

Another widowed- victim,

who has lost her virginity,

cause she was saving her friend ?

She says, She wants to meet me,

Should I , but then no I am a good girl,

We were never like this,

Until ofcourse she had a hormone change,

this had to be first lovestory,

And I will stand to defend it, if I have to,

But I cannot let January Cry its pain to me

This is the 2014 January Cry,

I do not know

if nicotine,

will win or her love will,

but I do not know if i should

or I shouldn’t

Well, I wasn’t born to be a husband

for a wife,

But I will stand if I have to defend this love,

But is this love good,

or is it devastating?

Is this what i should be getting into,

or is this something, I should let go of

But this sometime it is about her love,

I cannot tolerate

I cannot afford to lose good people

Not because I was right,

when I should have been wrong,

And I do not know

if I should

Cause If I don’t, she’ll die,

And If I do, We’ll die.

I stood in my balcony,

And I felt it,

And she asked me, what I was doing?

All I know is

I flew away with the wind,

there may me excerpts of our story

There may be those I love you’s

And

I need you’d,

We might have kissed

and I might have slept

And I might have let myself down

And It might have happened

But what I  know is,

I didn’t and I know I won’t

I can protect her- only

from being away from her,

Cause  a heart like mine

which melts easily enough

might lose its everything,

might lose its everything,

just to save a little criminal mind,

my mind say she is not safe,

not with me,

And she isn’t anywhere,

I can’t be a husband,

if I am supposed to be a wife,

And we might have kissed, that night,

when I cried,

And we might have,

But I know it continues as I try to avoid,

it had to be Nicotine.

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