Let me fill you.

I remember waking up to a bunch of messages on instagram, a long message on snapchat and a i love you on whatsapp.
I remember respecting the good morning with the warm smile emoji.
I remember waiting for you to say – i love you, to confirm you still wanted me.
I remember losing my sleep to make sure i had not missed a call from you in the evenings.
I remember pretending to listen each of your long stories with attention, when i wanted to yell stop.
I remember thinking what gave you the courage to confide your innermost feelings in me.
I remember seeing your photographs and trying to talk to them.
I remember imagining us kissing and trying to make me sleep
I remember texting you for no reason after i had my coffee after my classes
I remember those very late night conversations when i only wanted to sleep and you only wanted to talk
I remember opening up to you about my fears and insecurities
I remember loving you
I remember how on some nights – i started doing things you did for me when i was sleeping
I remember sending you exclusive bunny filter snaps of me
I remember asking you to marry me
I remember all of it
But i can’t remember where i lost it all –
where i lost the power to continue with this turmoil anymore.

 

(what loving you did to me/ Pg 44.)

excerpts from – let me fill you

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