I went for breakfast and right after alot of things changed about the morning- hold on tight because this is going to take a sharp twist.
Let’s start with a story – recently I have started to dislike/abhor a person, who I very much liked for nearly 2 years but as of today – i can not stand them. why or how did this happen, nish?
Let’s call her sheela – she is not who i thought she was! and that alone is the only reason i have that doesnt allow me to appreciate her time with me anymore. that got me thinking if that was any good reason to hate her? clearly speaking – if anybody was at fault – then it was definitely me. Let me explain – it is primarily my fault because i was not able to judge her quick enough to sketch a proper charactersketch of her in real.
she is a selfish retard and a highly stupid person. and i say this in full guarantee, she is very selfish, and full of herself and she gives no dime about me , neither does she give a damn about anyone else.
But how am i realising all of this now? maybe because i never looked at her this way before, maybe because i never spent enough time with her before, maybe because i simply was unaware. and many more reasons.
And right there for the first time i knew why i had started to hate her so much. and that was because she was simply being herself (what?). nish.and there i had an epiphany – that if she is sheela and i’m nish would i like to change myself for her. and the answer was a roaring loud no. then i asked myself – would i want her to change for me? and the answer was still a no (this could have been a yes a few days ago / i had clearly no intentions of mending this relation or nurturing her anymore). i was done with this drama and it had started to suffocate me.
i had a much clearer idea now – as to why these breakups happened frequently with me. why i start to dislike people? intially when i meet people – they are different in countless ways and according to my interpretation i pull them in mylife- but gradulally they change in numerous ways. (not that changing is bad in any case, more on this later. but when you do not change according to a relationship you’re a part of – you become the reason for the death of it.). the vibes that i felt in the first few months – slowly start to entrap me, and it changes, and the transformed/(or real) vibe of it, is something that i do not like.
Nish, will giving sheela names or tags make you feel better? no.
so why was i doing this uptil now? only to root for myself. to make myself feel- i wasnt at fault, it was her mistake, it was her, it was her, when in real – it wasnt her, it was my perception to blame, my ideas of her were flawed/dreamy which led me to conclude something about her that was fairly not true in the very least of ways.
quick fix to situations like these – judge people before you let them enter in , judge their every move and word and smile and emotion, judge them, analyse them – than creating a virtual image of them. let their image be clear in your mind – do not attach helplessly romantic nodes with them, if they are not that. do not weigh them for what they’re worth.
i dont like her behaviour, but that doesnt give me the right to hate her. so i should probably just mend me own ways.
points to be remembered from this post-
- Before entering a relationship – analyse the person
- Analyse them well enough – to know their thought process and truest intentions
- Do not weigh people for more than their worth.
- people change and its okay, sometimes our lack of awareness dont let us see clear cut through.
- part ways – when you must
- stop giving names/ tags to people, they dont deserve it, you dont have energy for it.
Until next time,
Nishita Agarwal. 🙋♀️
Instagram : presentlymine
LinkedIn: Nishita Agarwal
Facebook: Nishita Agarwal
Email : firstname.lastname@example.org