Back in Town.

Consumed by the arrogant mindset

some repeat dialogues

they mustn’t .

the place hasn’t changed

I found what I ran for.

some people were knocked by reality

but none

with acceptance.

don’t yell.

so when are we laying death beds?

And the cavemen were punished- curly hairs left.

Reality Checks!

Under these stars I stood

to talk about the twisted past

I crashed into her with all my

unfruitful emotional instances of reality

keeping us the kind of secret

I would never like to be.

She recited her stages

of loving me- indirectly

and the kind of kid I was

I mocked at the kind of love I received

not knowing hers could be as pure

as mine, not for her,

my answer was never questioned

but buried in hearts of 2,

explanation I gave none,

she knew it all too well- already

one sided love- and expectations

and all the ruins encircled us

in the balcony we stood in, separately

‘Does he deserve you?’

‘Don’t you read my today’s post-

it might undo you beyond limits I confined you to.

kärlek

 

I remember the Friday call with all its events in my mind. I remember how it felt to have you say my name in the question I asked. I never knew it was coming. We had worked together for several projects- you know how exactly I am- meticulous and particular. I remember writing in my diaries- scribbling at the back of my registers-going through social drama-making sad faces  and being pushed into drains I never belonged to. I can recall all the dialogues in sequential manner- of the years that went by. I have written about you in the odd hours of the day and I wish to continue till the day I am. I do not have reasons to love you- I will never have, but what I do know is that your name is resistant enough to not leave my mind. I have never been as involved in anyone before you as I am today. Memories of us stroll down my eyes like I am in the land we built. I can’t exactly tell you when it happened or how it happened or when did I know it was meant to be- but after endless hours of questioning myself I know there is no-one but you in this one heart of mine. Now I believe love simply is, you don’t have control over it, it just happens. There was a reason why I confessed to you on the 12th- cause I simply never knew what was going to be or not. I simply am madly in love with you- and I do not know where it will take me. Your name echoes in my mind like the waves of the water kissing the beach. I admire our conversations on the phone- you can see my face lit up, you can see my lips curved in the most beautiful manner. I hope you’re able to stop me when I am consumed in  my wild side. I hope you’re able to read in between the lines. I hope you get to- understand me. I hope you get to be with me – as long as you’d like. And I hope to tell you this one last thing- sometimes I like to be left alone ’til I realise who I am, sometimes I forget about the history we share, sometimes I forget my self-worth, sometimes I forget about people I love the most, sometimes I’ll never be there. And I hope that you’ll be able to stand this turbidity and nuisance with your pride and love for me.

You do not need to know about things until they’re complete.

I love you!

And now I know you love me too.

Remind me of the days I spent with you – cause I’m forgetting if we were ever. 

Today, you’ve been someone to someone and no one to someone else. Today, you’ve gone through the brilliant ups and the depressing downs. Today you’ve been what you decided you wanted to be – or did you? You wake up to this life in the hours of wonder or rush – your activities are dependent. You’re living in the existentential reality – not in your thought process. We look at videos and films and read books and articles – get inspired – boost our energies but end up getting none done. 

We have stopped asking us questions. We have stopped replying in emotions. We let our heart control our brain’s thought. I wanted to speak to you so many times about so many things. But why didn’t I? Because my heart didn’t let me. And it sucks. 

Don’t handle your crazy let the world handle it. 

Cause somewhere down the line we’re all waiting to be free. We’re all waiting to speak without managing, to love without imagining the consequences, to be in total the best of yourself, to dress up or down, to sleep and sing loud, to drink and dance all day all night. To be your own thoughts. Be in sync with yourself you’re worth being the treasure. 

Until next time, Goodbye!  

I am starting to believe – that some relations are eye contact and none more. From the seat where you are – you look in the most unobvious position to have this one interaction to satisfy our mutual interest.  

No words are spoken. No expressions exchanged. No mutual interest. No trial to start a conversation. No interaction at all. But each day religiously we look into each other’s eye for moments we do not measure. No you don’t think I could be yours. No I do not intend to have your name in my life. We are the parallels who gaze right into each other’s eye. No smiles greeted with. But we do respect the sanity of this bond. We do applaud in the silence of our contact. 

Oh, you’re a delight to the eyes and eyes alone.

Deprived.

I lived in the rush where I was sleep deprived working on cappuccinos- rushing through lectures and sleeping in the real event.

Messed up colours of pink and orange – undifferentiated and camouflaged. Becoming someone you’re not and slow realisation of that stabs your skin with pain and worthless dignity. Sitting among people of tight fit timetables and less honour of dreams- you realise how little you’ve become of your dream.

I recognise the fact that circumstances changes you- hits you in places it shouldn’t – but it hits you, it buries you- it fires you- it craves your attention- it makes you fall- it kills you in instances like these. But most importantly – you lose yourself, your dreams, your ideas, yourself.

You couldn’t recognise your pride anymore.  Cause you didn’t know where you belonged before this. You couldn’t recognise your talents- your strengths- your hobbies, cause you don’t.

We are such losers. Our dreams- are gone like the wine’s taste- with the last we take the last. We are living in a forgetful memory loss system. Come the new morning we extend our anger and ruin it so clumsily.

GO- run and love. Go- run and take pride.

Cause death is loitering this place anyway- why don’t you get your shit together and stay right!

Until next time. Goodbye!

Past.

All the words said and written are forgotten too easily in the constantly evolving lives of ours. What about self appreciation?

In today’s time when the now is so powerful somewhere we are forgetting – the beauty of our past. Our past doesn’t define us- but we are the declarations of our past. If we do not take it along or at least remind ourselves of it constantly- we will only end up refreshing our Instagram feeds or snapchats’ transience. The moments we are living in pass by swiftly and often we are not able to seize them.

The party you had last month- remains as a Facebook post not looked up for anymore. The bonus in office merely remains a signal of your ego no celebrations or thanks are given. The love you receive from your man- is only looked for in events of social gatherings- not else. The phonecalls – now hangs as a bill- you’ve got to pay, no emotions remain!

Who are we fooling? Or have we already been lost! In the continuous running of living the now- we are losing on our lands of yesterday? Is the now a possibility even? Or are these extensions of past – which if not acknowledged soon will eat us- raw and bad.

Go back and forth till you find what you’re looking for. Search your roots before the top soil erodes you and the body lays down like a pile of ghostly nuisance. Find your past- before the now completely washes away your declaration and defines a new fresh variable in place of you. Live- don’t just survive.

Until next time, Goodbye!

 

 

 

 

Let Loose.

Get back to where you belong!

Talk carelessly till your instincts sip the emotions- let your heart be free. Enslave no soul, no emotion, no thought- the tomorrows of our lives are so momentary. Let loose- lay loose like an unkempt bedsheets. Say hi, do not create distances that can be delayed by simple conversations. Love deeply- but be free enough to let the person not be caged, let your emotions be the radiating sun rays- not the moon’s light brightening only a portion of sky.

Invite the boy sitting in the corner for a coffee together. Go take a walk and understand the cultural aspects of each other. Go talk about the school that provided you with the most beautiful-pathetic memories.

Sit back- and look into his eyes- his eyes may teach you how to love yourself- without any setbacks. 

Overcomplicated lies like mine have long entangled me in boundaries I could not name- it isn’t about trust issues- or breaking the walls, – it’s about not talking it’s about keeping to one’s self- it’s about overthinking- speak more than anything.

Randomly pick up a conversation. A random hello will cost you appreciation and adventures you would have never expected or accepted. Treat yourself with diversity. 

You can sleep in your room or be someone you always wanted to be in the outside.

Go!

Until Next Time, Goodbye.

 

Gender Descriptions.

“I hope you never find reasons to love me- just like I can’t. Cause I don’t wish to wake up on a day where we’ve run out of reasons to be together.”

“I sat in the middle audience and he danced to his heart’s desire, I judged him with each of my facial expression.”

“Some texts will cause to wrong make believing judgements of me in you.”

“Oh, he’s terribly beautiful in black from across the table. Oh, he’s terribly bad from across the table. Oh, he’s the kind of guy who is dangerous and adventurous. Oh,’he’s making his move.”

“She played with him- they could be seen laughing like children. They were mature and funny.”

“And some stalkers turn out to be the friendliest creatures.”

“Some agreed to have their heartbroken by someone in daylight.”

Maybe emotions are beyond reasoning.