this one’s for you.

* i was dieing, i was dieing, i was dieing, and somehow i didn’t*

periods is a horrible time to be alive. the pain not only causes anger, frustration, misery but it also makes us want to give up on ourseleves completely and die. it’s a roller coaster with a gravity drop. it is bad bad bad. yet it is a natural event to occur.

here’s a list of activities you can do – to win over or atleast lessen the pain.

  1. Walk. – Chose your own pace. But move around.
  2. Heat – Place a hot water bag. It will relax the muscle contraction and help you be.
  3. Green Tea – It feels good to the body. (personal recommendation)
  4. Coconut oil – Apply a little of it on the belly button. Helps in reducing the pain. (Thankyou for my friend for helping me on this one! )
  8. Water – Drinking warm water will help reduce cramps again. Plus – it helps in increasing the blood flow. Keep yourself hydrated!
  9. Yoga. Here’s a link to youtube video specially designed for it.                                      Link :
  10. Massages
  11. Hot water bath. 
  12. Eat Boron Rich Foods – avocado, peanut butter, prunes, chickpea, bananas
  13. Eat Calcium Rich Foods – dairy products, sesame seeds, almonds, leafy green veggies.
  14. Rubbing your tummy in anti-clockwise direction
  15. Sleep. It helps you forget about life and pain – even if momentarily.
  16. Cry – that’s the best idea. if nothing else helps. it will let you release all your emotions. and make you feel better.
  17. Pain killers – if need be.
  18. Music – Piano. Harp. Just instrumentals. It resonates and makes you feel ahmazing.
  19. Energy – provide your body with  energy in the form of glucose drinks.
  20. Chocolates and ice-creams – Binge eat if you have to. (I would not suggest this. it starts a cycle of misery with it)
  21. Write it.  Journal your emotions.
  22. Help – ask your loved one to stay with you. just. be. there. for. you.




just passing by.

it’s 8.30 and the dining table is set.  it’s 8:45 and you dive in to your breakfast.  it’s 8.55 and you wear your shoes.  it’s 9 and the office going are ready to shoot.  it’s 9.30 and there is a fleet of vehicles on the road.   it’s 10 and the work day has begun. it’s 10.30 and you’ve been called to meet your manager. it’s 11 and you do not like your job. it’s 11.10 and you worry about managing yourself, your family and life as a whole.  it’s 11.30 and life looks mediocre. it’s 12 and you start to scroll down Facebook. it’s 12.30 and your calendar notifications reminds you it’s your best friend’s anniversary today. it’s 12.40 and you’re working hard.  it’s 12.45 and you feel the rumbling in your stomach.  it’s 1 and the lunch is almost about to happen. it’s 1.20 and lunch is the only thing on your mind. it’s 1.55 and the lunch wasn’t delicious. it’s 2 and the lunch break is over. it’s 2:30 and life seems mediocre. it’s 3 and you wonder if kids are home  yet. it’s 4 and you measure the distance to the weekend.  it’s 5 and you sip on your loved tea with delicious nutty biscuits. it’s 6 and people have started to leave or pack. it’s 7 and you feel like going home. it’s 7.30 and you dont want to go home. it’s 7.35 and you are home. it’s 7:45 and your kids tell you how their day was. it’s 8 and you wish somebody had the dinner prepared. it’s 8.30 and your kids remind you of the submission next day. it’s 8:45 and you start to eat your dinner. it’s 9 and you are in the market buying things for the project next day. it’s 9:30 and life seems fast. it’s 9:45 and you sip tea while working creatively in a hurry. it’s 10 and you put your kids to sleep. it’s 10.10 and you start to wonder if you could treat yourself with some entertainment. it’s 10:20 and you are still on your phone. it’s 10:30 and you put on the cricket match on t.v.  it’s 11 and you feel like binging on some little snacks. it’s 11 and your kids finally sleep.  its 11.12 and you curse yourself for missing 11.11. it’s 11:30 and you wonder if you are a good parent. it’s 11:45 and you increase the volume of the t.v. its 11.50 and you start to fight with your husband. it’s 12.00 and you think there’s still time for tomorrow. it’s 1 and sleep doesn’t happen. it’s 2 and sleep doesn’t happen. it’s 3 and sleep doesn’t happen. it’s 4 and sleep doesn’t happen. it’s 5 and you feel like sleeping for once. it’s 5.10 and you’re sound sleeping. it’s 6 and it starts to worry you. it’s 7 and you wake up in hurry. it’s 7.30 and you start to scream. it’s 7.45 and you bash your kids for ruining your life. it’s 8 and you prep breakfast and lunch. it’s 8.15 your kids leave for school. it’s 8.30 and the dining table is set. 

just passing by. 




*no words from my lover – left me wondering if he ever loved me or was I his sin.*

at that point I checked my phone again and again, switching one app for the other. hoping to see if he ever remembered me, to see a notification from him or replacements. it got me more furious of each second that I sat there. wondering. if anyone saw me – they’d say I was drowning without any place to be in. switching this app from that one, every minute only narrowed the chances of my hopes ever being satiated. it felt like I was unwanted with every inch of me – my mind told me to stop it, but I saw myself asking for more time to wish – upon a text. it was stupid and I played a victim. that isn’t life but I got another chance to curse it. a frown on my face started getting replaced, my anxiety grew and nothing made sense.

I took a pause – threw my phone on the bed. commanding myself that the device dare not be touched again. I went downstairs and forever that I can remember I never touched my phone again. moments passed and I completely forgot – that I was waiting, crippling to death. I started breathing in again. my fingers didn’t flutter anymore. my toes didn’t curl up. my body didn’t sit in an uncomfortable position. the idea of getting a ping – didn’t excite me anymore.

later when I saw my phone – I still had no idea where my lovers were, or if anybody cared for me anymore. but it taught me one thing – something I would not want to forget anytime soon – never give anybody the power to rule over you. never force a conversation. never be needy for someone’s attention. never lose yourself in the want for someone else’s interest in you. and never wait for something to happen to you.

and later when they got back to me – none of their words had value like they did before. more importantly I found the freedom I had traded for them – to stay a little longer. their quick responses now – were of no importance. all my love – had been consumed as self worth. in life – all of us enter the point of return, from where only somethings matter, others depreciate in their existence.

never find your worth in someone else’s being in your life. that is a dangerous parameter to live life by.  don’t.  people who love you will find their way back to you. 

be there for your loved ones, but before that be there for you. let no wait – kill you. let no text- decay your being. let the idea of having someone or something – not corrupt you. bloom. create. be.


//in life, we lose ourselves on paths- only to discover something fun or dangerous. //

assuming you are reading one of those kind of Pinterest posts I like to snap to my friends   (or save for life later)

*we never realise that we all are very dependent. maybe on our lovers, or friends , or family. for things as simple as – anything. our resistance to do our ownselves, slowly becomes our hinderance. it is all bad.

*many people are a party for one. they are most comfortable being single, alone.

*listening to music and walking works. always works.

*we often sleep to forget – how we feel, to cut the crap, to waste time, to evade life -we are never honestly that tired

*places do not matter if you are with the wrong people

* aesthetics can create happiness.

*journalling thoughts helps maintaining  sanity.

* in the course of healing people – you can truly heal yourself

*you. always. need. your. own. space.

*we hate dealing with our emotions

*we all like to be sad- every once in a while

*over-thinking comes from over-feeling

*we always hate ending conversations with that one person

*we are always stronger than what we believe ourselves to be

* we truly never know – what is the most dangerous thing we can ever do

*we like to lose ourselves to people- in the journey to find ourselves

*we do  like drawing – it gives you an opportunity to talk about issues you normally never talk about, it eases you, it is like meditation, and you enjoy the process

*green teas will always be a thing

*no matter where you are – you would always want that one person with you

*you erupt at random places – because you build up on your raw / unprocessed emotions.

*you find out about the people – who really care about you one day.

*you do BINGE EAT- when you are stressed, or not happy or when you are not hungry

*disney movies teach you real life lessons. they were created for a reason

*hugging pillows feels good

*saying “Hi Sweety!” to your own self is worth it.

*on days you feel like nobody is yours or that people dont care about you – but know that they might be having their downs as well

*saying I love you never gets old

*talking to photographs and old texts can make you smile, and fall in love again.

*good conversations or bad conversations –   shouldn’t matter as long as it involves talking or being together staring at each other

*home might actually be a good place to be

*life happens for a reason


on days you’ll cry, you’ll get bruised, you’ll lie to your loved ones,

you’ll cry on your study table or while texting or while watching a family Disney movie, or under the sheets – 

but on rare days – it will all make sense.


these are about the times- when I was dealing with my life. on my own broken – ways.

I sat there – watching them make a conversation – with their easy ways, and experienced days , and I felt a turmoil inside me being created. my toes – getting tensed. my wrists – forced into a position to support my upper body, lines emerged to convey how I was forcing myself to stay there. not a inch of me – was there.

words hit you in different manners along different moments, and sometimes only sometimes I wonder – what difference it would make if I was rather not present there, or if I was dead.

I wonder how – their words only mean to describe their personality and not my presence. honestly, all along – all I did was not try to act opinionated, not throw my tantrums – but to keep things to myself. and in the end of it – they tell me how they would like to have me over again.

I still wonder – if they could read it, or they are offering their sympathy for the times their pillows and blankets were wet with my tears.

and him?

he’s the t-shirt I wore the day I kissed him

he’s the patterns of shirts he wears

he’s the Skype conversations

he’s the ‘crazy names’ I give him

he’s the reason I’d paint my nails

he’s the reason I’d keep my hair open

he’s the reason I’d ever believe-

that I was meant to be –

completely be.

the words didn’t make sense when I started writing this – but the heart could feel. In the motive- to let it out, the fingers typed some gibberish –  before something about this could make sense.

she said *you suck* – in a voice so harsh, that every piece of my heart didn’t like it.

yet the way – she said it made me feel, I might as well deserve every bit of it.

maybe I am selfish, for wanting to live my life doing things my way.

maybe i’m selfish – for having a boyfriend who would understand me way too well.

maybe i’m selfish for putting away people – with the intention of not hurting them eventually.

but maybe – i’m just me, trying not to figure out. but just be. every inch of me.